Bizarre Tech: AbsFur, niostem and Dyson Zone

AbsFur

Free your home from floof!

So, the AbsFur is a 3-in-1 gadget designed to not just help your pet, but aid you and your home, too. All right.

It has three functions: air purifier, grooming companion, and pet dryer. Do we think this is overkill? Can you have that many things in one gadget and all the functions be effective? I’m not sure. Also, wouldn’t you want to have just, like, a couple of bits that work brilliantly?

Anyway, the air purifier has a triple-layered filter (free, carbon, HEPA 13) which captures allergens, fine particles and unwanted smells from your home. The filter should be replaced every six months to ensure effective filtration.

So when grooming your pet – brushing, clipping or styling –if you pop the AbsFur in the ‘grooming position’ (sounds dodgy), it ensures that no bit of stray fur gets left behind. You can also have it on just to get rid of the fur in the air when they’re pottering around.

The pet dryer function has warm (infrared) and cool air options; you pop the unit next to your pet and it begins drying. This mode is nice and quiet, unlike the scary, dreaded hair dryer woooooing away, blowing wind at them.

The makers behind the gadget – Korean-based global start-up PePe, which has rebranded to AbsFur for English-speaking markets... I wonder why – say they understand that “every pet owner’s number one enemy is FUR”. Well, you’re not wrong there, sonny. With two large pooches and a fluffy ragdoll cat, I just about drown in it if I don’t hoover multiple times a day. But then again, would I trade my fur babies for the world? HECK NO.

If you have allergies to your pet (don’t know why you’d have one if you’re highly allergic) then this is nifty. Apparently, 90 per cent of US residences have signs of animal allergens. As these allergens are caused by enzymes found in pet fur, the reduction of the floof in your home should provide effective allergy relief. It would also help if your kid developed an allergy to your beloved pooch – you wouldn’t have to give your child up for adoption, you can keep them both.

niostem

Teeheehee. There’s no way you can make this not look hilarious.

The promo photos and videos are trying to make it look cool and normal, like hanging out with your friends wearing this godforsaken thing.

It was funded on Indiegogo pretty rapidly – because this is something super-important, as it’s aimed at men. Let’s just say, if it was something for women’s reproductive health, the number and rapidity of backers would probably be, well, insufficient. The amount of money that is probably being thrown at this wearable, rather than basic sexual health needs of many women around the world, makes me a little... upset. So please forgive me if this whole section sounds a little cynical.

Anyway, niostem’s goal is to make pattern baldness a thing of the past, stating “we know the effect that hair has on our confidence, self-esteem, and mental health, and we believe that everyone should be able to take back control of their hair”. Well, I don’t see many images of women in this campaign, so what you’re probably wanting to say is ‘we believe that men should be able to take back control of their hair’ – like they don’t have control of everything else ever.

The apparently non-invasive, easy-to-use and drug-free innovation from Germany was tested for six months with dozens of early users with varying levels of pattern baldness.

The pilot study to quantify niostem’s efficacy and safety included 22 male participants (Norwood Scale 2-6, aged 20-50). Ah, ya see, no women there.

Anyway, after the six months, hair density increased by 42 hairs/cm² (19.1 per cent), and thickness increased by 9.1 per cent on average.

The niostem bundle comes with an app, which helps you pop it onto your scalp, and smart sensors give you live haptic feedback about electrode connection status. You wear it for half an hour a day, and the app documents regrowth via a selfie gallery. Ooh, fun.

Apparently, it was developed and validated by doctors, scientists and engineers across four countries with over 100,000 hours spent in R&D. Of course, because this product is so vital.

It works via low-level bioelectrical stimulation, which “reactivates the body’s regenerative powerhouse, the hair follicle stem cells”. The niostem team say even a bald head has more than 100,000 miniaturised hair follicles containing hair stem cells with the potential to be reactivated. Apparently the stimulation kickstarts the stem cells back into action to be a repair system for hair follicles. Hair stem cells multiply into progenitor cells, triggering follicle growth, leading to healthier, thicker hair.

It has a 180-day money back guarantee. Huzzah.

Dyson Zone noise-cancelling headphones

Like the brainchild of someone on an acid trip.

I can imagine ‘let’s pull two things out of the air and smush them together, then (probably) sell it for a ridiculous price. Because people will buy Dyson.’

So, as well as being super-cool and stuff, the Dyson Zone noise-cancelling headphones claim to give users up to 50 hours of ultra-​low distortion audio, advanced noise cancellation and full-​spectrum audio reproduction. Oh. And it purifies the air around you. Cos yeah, they can.

The high-efficiency filtration tackles pollution ‘on-the-go’, with a detachable visor that projects purified air to the wearer’s nose and mouth. Apparently, “electrostatic filters capture 99 per cent of particle pollution as small as 0.1 microns2, whilst K-Carbon, potassium-enriched carbon filters target prevalent acidic gases most associated with city pollution”.

So, the visor looks pretty... interesting. Let’s see if it is as popular as other Dyson offerings.