Bizarre Tech: Biostarks, Hypershell and Zoo Gears

Biostarks test kit

Come and give some blood if ye think you’re hard enough.

Do you want to know when you will die?! Then this is the test for you!

I jest, but it is a test that shows you your biomarkers for healthy ageing.

I don’t want to age unhealthily, do you?!

Company Biostarks has come up with a test that apparently gives you ‘precise and accurate lab results to optimise healthy ageing by monitoring key mineral and NAD+ levels’.

Get your NADS here! You got good nads?

So when you order one of these Mystic Meg tests (RIP, by the way), you get the collection kit, put some blood in the ‘Hemaspot’ (the stabilised collection device), and then send it back. You then get a full laboratory analysis of what the heck is up with your body, and the company’s medical team comes back with ‘actionable recommendations’. Aka: stop eating cheese.

I could never.

In the Kickstarter campaign, they chat a lot about these NAD+ levels, and how a decrease in these bad boys can lead to a heck of a lot of poop: fatigue and weakness, lower energy metabolism and cellular function, sleep disorders with disrupted circadian rhythm, decreased physical performance, hair and skin issues with decreased collagen synthesis and skin elasticity, and increased oxidative stress and inflammation. What else? Your foot falls off? Your arms melt?

Allegedly, the test leads you to understand and optimise your NAD+ levels (this is halfway through the campaign, by the way, and they still haven’t explained yer nads), and to optimise stuff like your supplementation, sleep quality, and energy and cognition.

The kit analyses your longevity biomarkers – I told you it’ll let you know when you dead.

Finally, they address the NAD in the room. NAD+ (Nicotinamide Adenine Dinucleotide) is ‘a coenzyme that plays an important role in many cellular processes, including energy metabolism, cellular signalling, DNA repair, and the regulation of gene expression. NAD+ is involved in the electron transport chain, which is the process by which cells generate energy in the form of ATP.’ Fancy. Ya gonna tell us what ATP is??

Anyway, after the test, results are accessible through your account you set up, and there are ‘actionable and easy-to-understand nutritional and training recommendations’.

Biostarks says you want your biomarker range to be as close to 100 as possible, and if they’re lower, it gives you advice on how to raise it.

Do you want Death to keep his sweet embrace the heck away from you for as long as possible? Give this a try!

It’ll only cost you £202! Weird number, but all right.

Hypershell

You got some legs on you!

If it wasn’t for the robocop look, I’d be well up for this as I want to climb mountains, but my body just says no.

The Hypershell Omega (definitely sounds extra fancy) means ‘you can go further, climb higher mountains, run faster, and carry more along the way, or simply walk with less effort’. This would be a great thing for less-abled people who want to experience all the things but are limited in their physical capability. And for lazy people who don’t want to really put in the effort. This could also help people in industries that have to use their body to complete their job.

According to the company, the Hypershell AI exoskeleton provides power and strength to those who need it, when they need it. We’ve covered stuff like this before in the magazine, and I’ve always thought it was pretty ace. In the future, I hope it’ll be less noticeable, so we can all get on with our lives.

Apparently, Hypershell ‘packs state-of-the-art robotics, ergonomics and AI into an extremely compact form that provides uncompromising power when needed’. It’s lightweight and gives you elevated flexibility. Perhaps I can try a cartwheel again?

The Omega® system of the gadget is created for lower limb exoskeletons – the central motor is invented with eight passive joints, doubling assist effectiveness and performance/weight ratio of the exoskeleton. Cool stuff.

It comes with ‘The Hyper Mode’ (me on too many Skittles), which is designed ‘for those who love challenging their status quo’. Apparently, you hold the buttons on both sides and Hypershell will give an output equivalent to one horsepower, 50 per cent torque increase, and quadrupled motion acceleration capability. PEWWWWW OFF SHE GOES NEEEEAAAAWWWWH.

Simultaneously, the AI Motion Engine inside ‘will act more aggressively, boosting reaction frequency from 10,000Hz to 30,000Hz. This brings an added max running speed of 20km/h, a 60-degree slope sprint, a steady 30kg weight offset and 10kg of horizontal thrust. GOOD LAWD, SHE COMIN’.

THERE’S MORE. For a ‘monstrous performance’ (not sure I like that one, like Godzilla yeeting buildings), the M-One motor inside Hypershell is the ‘world’s smallest high-precision Permanent Magnet Synchronous Motor, capable of boasting one horsepower and 32Nm of torque’. Apparently, this power is equivalent to lifting three cars (4,400 kg) by one metre within a minute. Hulk smash? No?

It also has two processors – one handles complex real-time motor control and the other is like an external cerebellum, so the exoskeleton can model your body and maintain an acute awareness of your body movement. It also learns how you move as you spend time using it. Sweet.

Now I’m thinking of Wallace’s Wrong Trousers, making you rob a bank or something.

Anyway, there’s a heck of a lot of cool bits going on with the Hypershell. I hope it lives up to the jargon.

If you pledge HK$2,339 (£243) or more, one of these bad boys could be on their way to you, as in running down the street to your house with abandon.

Zoo Gears

Can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well how’s about some Mozart?

Zoo Gears is an ‘all-in-one smart music instrument for pets’ embedded with AI and an algorithm for ‘developing pets’ cognitive skills, association skills, pattern recognition, creative skills, and problem-solving skills, as well as obedience behaviours’.

That sounds just dandy.

I hope the gadget doesn’t sound too repetitive, because us dog owners know, when there’s something like a squeaky toy around, that thing just makes us want to crack our heads open on the coffee table. SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK IS THIS GETTING TO YOU?!

As we all know, our furry friends are capable of understanding much more than we realise.

The aim of Zoo Gears is to let dogs cultivate concentration through playing games, and the devices’ (TheBiscuit and TheButter) AI and algorithm develop their noggins. The team want to explore different pets, like cats and rabbits. However, I don’t want cats to get even more smart and sassy – that would be unbearable, and dangerous. Those kitties be crazy.

Also, rabbits – you never know what they’re thinking. Probably out to murder you, given the chance. Have you noticed they stare you out at any opportunity? Serial killers in the making, those bunnies. They all want to be like Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog from ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’. Imagine the carnage!

Pledge HK$775 (£81) or more on Kickstarter and be part of the animal revolution!