Bizarre Tech: VIFIO washing machine, Sterb ball and Tacticlip

VIFIO: Mini ultrasonic washing machine

Smol cleaner is cute.

We’ve all been there. Spilled a little somethin’ on something you shouldn’t have. You know, you get sauce on your shirt or wine on the sofa. If left alone, it gets deep into the fibres and then it’s a little madam to clear up.

I’m questioning whether VIFIO is worth the money (you’ll need to pledge about £40 on Kickstarter). But hey ho. I’m sure you’ll find things to mini clean.

VIFIO’s creators make a good point – like if only the tips of your shoes are dirty, for example, it’s too wasteful to wash them in the washing machine. Plus, it takes them a long time to dry. So I get it. Especially if you like white shoes and going outside anywhere. So how do you use it?

Apparently, dirt is removed instantly with one cup of water. You put a cloth on the back of the stain and soak the stained area with water. Then you click VIFIO and the dirt magically goes away. Pretty cool. You probably need a bib and more coordination if you use this thing a lot. Just saying.

It uses the principle of ultrasonic cleaning, which is high-frequency vibration in water (the gadget vibrates over 51,000 times per second) which makes loads of vacuum bubbles. High speed increases bubble volume, and when the bubbles pop, the explosion creates lots of energy waves. The waves impact the stain molecules and break them up.

The gizmo takes two hours to fully charge and can last for 100 minutes. VIFIO fits in a pocket and weighs only 180g, so you can take it to that business dinner wearing your crisp white shirt, with your hankering for spaghetti bolognese.

Sterb: UV-C Sterilisation Portable Ball

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, WAIT! IT DOESN’T ROLL?

Why is it a ball if it doesn’t roll by itself like a little clean bot? BORING.

This portable sterilisation ball, Sterb, emits low-intensity UV-C light to “completely eliminate fungus/mould, bacteria, algae, and their spores, which can be use[d] in the room, refrigerator, humidifier, etc., creating a perfect living space”. Well, even if it’s clean, it doesn’t make it perfect. Silly.

According to the makers of Sterb, the sterilising area is up to two square metres, while the “weight-light is only 65g”. I think they mean the Sterb is lightweight? Or is the UV-C light 65g? Nonsense, I say!

You can take the cleaning ball with you anywhere, so you can sterilise anything. Like the questionable toilet seat in the hotel. Or the towels they give you that look just a little bit... off.

You can also stick it in your kids’ playroom and let the Sterb have at it. Because kids are disgusting. So. Many. Germs.

Sterb works with one button, and the disinfection process takes 10 minutes.

It can go in the fridge, bed, wardrobe, sofa, dog bed, wherever. As long as Pongo doesn’t mistake it for a tennis ball – that would be quite an expensive error on your part.

You can use the ultraviolet light on food, too (including fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh meat, cooked food, takeaways that have been handled by strangers – yet more germs) to “achieve the effect of killing the surface microorganisms and prolonging the storage period”. Indeed, big words, indeed.

The UV-C utterly destroys DNA and RNA structures of bacteria, fungi and odours, from things like your funky hat or icky shoes. Apparently, 99.9 per cent of grossness is dead after using the gadget.

LED lamps are distributed around the ball to give you “all-direction irradiation”. The gadget is also waterproof and has a 500mAh battery that can fully charge within one hour. According to the Kickstarter page, it can complete more than five cleaning processes with a single charge.

Sterb, I choose you! Chuck it in the corner and defeat the ick!

Tacticlip

Doesn’t cut off your hair!

Damn, girl, you so stylish and your hair is so neat. Ah man, I can’t cut this label out of my new piece of clothing. You’re taking your clip out? Oh, OK, your hair looked so nice as it was. What are you doing? Why are you sawing my tag with your clip, are you OK? It’s a what? A Tacticlip? Oh, you’ve done it. Well, thanks.

Anyway, Tacticlip is “the only everyday carry (EDC) multi-tool that you will forget... until you need it”.

The creators behind the tactical wearable say it’s “comfortable, concealable and quickly deployable”. Whap out your hair tool and get to work!

It “integrates a raptor-claw-style point, full-length serrated edge [they iterate that it doesn’t cut hair, they mention it many times throughout the Kickstarter campaign. We’ll see about that], file, wick holder, wire stripper, mini-screwdriver, and ruler (inches and metric)”.  

It’s apparently the only hair clip designed for tough field work. Well, that’s because there probably isn’t that much else on the market, it’s pretty niche.

Imagine if it’s all these things but ends up being really bad at keeping your hair in place. That would be unfortunate. And funny.

The ‘non-official’ uses include gems such as non-sliding bookmark, fidget toy, tiddlywinks drinking game (hilarious) and... it saws through zip ties.

Ahem. That got dark quickly.

Tacticlip weighs just three grams, is two inches long and has 17 serrated teeth that WON’T CUT YOUR HAIR, ALL RIGHT?