Bizarre Tech at IFA 2022: Go Colop e-mark, Bob the mini dishwasher, and Respiray

Go colop e-mark

Hold me closer, tiny stamper.

Austrian-based stamp manufacturer (riveting in itself) Colop was showing off its new mobile printing device, the e-mark, at this year’s IFA.

The “innovative” e-mark can “design unique and personalised imprints and print them immediately on many surfaces” like paper, cardboard, cork and wood.

FYI, it doesn’t work on skin. I tried it: resembled a specific scrape you would get on the playground. Also, felt a bit warm. Would not recommend.

Anyway, it’s designed for professionals, and you can print company logos, texts and images in colour. It holds four designs, and you tap on the wee printer to switch them out.

However, watching the Colop sales rep go tappa tappa tappa, seemingly on end, trying to get it to change the design, was a somewhat painful, and awkward, experience.

ANYWAY. Each e-mark printer comes with the e-mark app, and the e-mark create app. Exciting. It can also be operated from a PC.

You can instantly print the date, time or number sequences on lots of things. Just not skin. Other bits like QR codes and barcodes are also printable.

You can get sticky labels, ribbons and wristbands as add-ons. It can also print using fluorescent ink, for security purposes.

Aargh, this thing. Like, I’m losing the will to live here.

Basically, it’s a little, convenient printer. And it costs around £269.

We all know what I could use it for. Let’s not beat around the bush here.

Sneaky swear words on bins and walls like an absolute hooligan.

‘Kick me’ swiped on your worst enemy’s back.

The usual.

Respiray Wear A+

Look more like the pet you’re allergic to.

All the people promoting this gadget were wearing one. I kid you not, it looked like some sort of extreme shock collar, or fetish party. NO! NAUGHTY REP! GET AWAY FROM ME! SHOO!

Respiray is an Estonian technology company that develops “wearable devices that help people live healthier lives”. Or more subservient lives, if you catch my drift.

Its new product, the Respiray Wear A+, apparently helps allergy sufferers with their airborne enemies: pollen, pets, dust, and other allergens.

Not food, or insect stings, ya know, the stuff that kills you. So don’t expect miracles to happen, make sure you still carry your EpiPen.

I think I would rather struggle through the day with antihistamines than put this monstrosity on my neck.

I tried the product, felt owned, and made the lady take it off right away because I felt like an absolute plonker.

The device supposedly takes in unfiltered air and directs airflow through a HEPA filter that collects pollen, dander, dust and mould particles. Cleaned air is then directed towards the mouth and nose at a much higher rate than people breathe in, creating “an allergy-free air zone around the face, which means there is no need to worry about allergies indoors”.

The Wear A+ was made by “international scientists, engineers and designers and manufactured by an Estonian company that follows the highest European manufacturing standards”. Surely with that supposed amount of power and intelligence behind it, there would have been more of a push to help with the life-threatening allergies. But hey ho. Small breathing steps.

Bob the mini dishwasher

It’s an itsy bitsy teeny weeny little polka dot dishwashy

Bob. Its name is Bob. HI BOB!

Bob is “very discreet, he does not like to impose himself”. Anthropomorphising a dishwasher. Right, right.

Small and fierce, Bob can get through “the daily dishes of two people in only 20 minutes”. Not that many pieces can fit in its interior, but it’s fine I suppose.

It’s “very eco-friendly”, and you can personalise your own Bob. It comes in 24 colour combinations, and you can customise the dishwasher basket.

It comes with a “simple” user interface with colour display, which “puts an end to confusing washing programmes”. What kind of programmes are people using on their dishwasher?!

You know the one you want, you press Start. Not that hard, people.

Bob weighs 10kg and is 34 x 49 x 49cm. Super diddy. I saw him, he is as weeny as you think. You can carry him around with his handle (see, now I’m making him a person). It has UVC disinfection (so you can sanitise other stuff without water), and an integrated water tank, so you don’t have to install it.

You can create custom wash programmes via Wi-Fi connectivity and Bob uses only 0.35kWh per cycle.

You must buy pods specific to Bob, so I’m not sure how much that’ll cost in the long run.

Anyway, you can grab a Bob from £299.90. Have at it!

Also, exciting news! My coverage of IFA will be televised! Watch this space!