Sloth back massager

Bizarre Tech: Airshot game, Polaroid Candy Pen and Sloth back massager

Image credit: Firebox

Season’s greetings, my buddies! So, for this festive edition I thought I’d have a look at some cool, wacky gift ideas for Christmas, just in case you’re a bit stuck for what to get your conservative grandmother.

Hovering Ball Shooting Game

Shoot your hovering shot.

This looks pretty fun – I’m not sure how long the novelty will last, though.

But for only £20, it’s not bad for a bit of shooting practice.

The Airshot Hovering Ball Shooting Game set comes with two handguns, so you can compete with a buddy.

You pop the five supplied Styrofoam balls on the wee Airshot chambers, which keep them in the air, hovering away. With the loaded handguns (six foam darts come with the game), you pew pew at the balls to get them off their blowy pedestal.

According to the makers, the game is quite difficult as you must really focus to aim. In my opinion, unless the accuracy of the handgun is a bit off, it can’t be that difficult. Unless you’ve had some festive tipple and think you’re the king of the world. Then you’ve got no chance.

The design itself looks a little basic and plasticy, but what do you expect for 20 squids? Cheapish fun for all the family!


Polaroid Candy Pen

Eat your words.

This is the world’s first 3D Candy Pen and is made to give that personal touch to party treats and cake decorating. I would use it for personalising my bakes – and writing expletives, just for fun.

I could be annoying and leave little edible sayings for people to find, whether that be in the home, in the office (whenever I get back in there), or even in public. Because people would totally trust some jelly-like substance on a wall, formed into the words ‘LICK ME’.

The ‘inks’ are comprised of six sugar-free and vegan-friendly flavours.

From Polaroid, the makers of the iconic instant camera, the Candy Play 3D Pen is a whole new direction for the company. Not what I thought they’d come up with. Maybe an instant camera with polaroids you can eat would be more cohesive?

Anyway, if you screw up whatever you’re creating, you can always just eat it and start again. You can be the instant eraser!

This chunky boy is a USB-powered device and is apparently incredibly easy to use. You hold it like a normal pen and press the button down (you can put it in auto mode to save your tired finger) and melted candy/sweet (I’m English, I can’t keep typing candy, it’s too cringey) comes out of the nozzle.

You can draw whatever you want. And I mean whatever. It would be super cool to make something inspired by the lickable wallpaper from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But make it gross. Because I’m like that. If you know what I’m talking about then you’re just as bad as me.

However, if you want to be a square and follow the rules, the peeps at Polaroid have created templates and stencils to help you become the da Vinci of edible squiggles.

The kit comes with four strawberry cartridges, but you can buy extra packs of orange, lemon, apple, grape, and cola, if you want to get fancy.

The candy pen is suitable for ages 14+, unless under adult supervision. I’m guessing the melted sweeties can be a bit scaldy if you touch them when they’ve just come out.

It’s powered via USB-C and the cable is included and turns off after eight minutes, so the pen doesn’t explode.

I jest, it’s for safety apparently. They didn’t specify why, though. It could blow up.

The Polaroid Candy Play 3D Pen costs £34.99, and the refills are £22.99 for 48 cartridges.


Sloth Back Massager

Hey, little mama, let me whisper in your ear.

Aww. I do adore sloths.

This is a bit disconcerting though.

There’s a picture of a sloth that was all over the internet a few years back, where it appeared to whisper in a model’s ear. He was probably saying something cumbersome, or hecking dirty. But anyway, the image and resulting memes (some of which are ‘not safe for work’!) can be found here.

Well, this fluffy boy looks a bit like that.

If you’re innocent of heart, then this is just a sweet vibrating sloth called Sloan, who relaxes you as he drapes over your body. Yep.

The vibrating sloth-shaped back massager is made of polyester and cotton, and you only need three AA batteries to get him working.

See, people often see real-life sloths as these creepy, slow mammals, who move at such a snail pace that moss grows on their fur. I find that endearing as heck.

Another fun fact: sloths are prone to accidentally killing themselves – they’re so derpy that they sometimes think their arm is a branch when they’re up in the trees... they grab onto it, and then fall to their deaths.

What noobs.

Cute noobs, though.

However, this sloth won’t be committing accidental suicide, unless it gets tired of buzzing on your back and takes its batteries out as a form of protest.

Also, this massage boy doesn’t have real sloth claws, so that helps. Cos, ya know, ouchy.

Sloan the Sloth Back Massager costs £39.99 in all its vibrating, smothering glory.

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