Bizarre Tech: game puncher, killer scanner and secret spy pen
In this month’s edition I’ve managed to find some grand gadgets – a video game pummeler, a scanner-turned-bacteria-destroyer and a spying piece of stationery.
Video game massager
Knead your opponent into submission.
The Massage me wearable interface comes from the KOBAKANT art collective, and is designed to make your back into someone else’s video game controller.
It has soft, flexible buttons made of conductive fabric embedded into the jacket, turning your back into a gamepad. The masseuse/game player then has a go, kneading you whilst trying to beat the baddies.
The buttons interpret the massaging as control signals, and works with any existing Playstation game. According to the website, the Massage me operates best with games that require a lot of button pressing and combinations.
I’m not very good at video games. I do tend to smash the buttons over and over again if I’m playing something like a fighting game – Mortal Kombat, for example – when I want to get a KO. I never know any combinations for special moves, so I just aggressively button bash, screaming for my opponent to die.
Needless to say, I don’t think I, in the red mist of battle, would make a particularly relaxing masseuse.
Lifemax Nano-UV Disinfection scanner
Beep beep boop, and the bacteria have gone!
It’s as easy as scanning a barcode. Then again, if you’ve encountered a self-service checkout, there’s always some problem.
The Lifemax-UV Disinfection scanner looks like an old-school flip phone, is only 9.8cm long, and apparently has been proven to kill 99.99 per cent of bacteria in seconds, using multi-wavelength nano-UV technology.
The company says Lifemax light kills e-coli, salmonella, and other kinds of bacteria.
You can pop it in your bag, and use it in places where germies and nasties abound, like public toilets. You can use the scanner on the loo seat so you don’t have to do that tense hovering thing (a very common practice if you’re a woman). Also you can use it on the toilet door, the sink, and the door handle for the exit.
You are also able to sterilise contact lenses, telephones, computer keyboards and door handles; basically anything anyone else has touched and about which you might be feeling a bit squirmy.
The scanner is said to disinfect surfaces in mere seconds, so if you’re desperate for a wee, it shouldn’t take too long for you to quieten the OCD demons in your brain.
You flip the top of the case, turn on the light and hold it over the suspicious surface. It kills most bacteria, viruses and fungus within 10 seconds.
It costs £39.94 at Amazon, so head off to your nearest bacteria-addled keypad and place your disgusting order.
Spy camera pen
Secret agent man!
Become your own super-low-budget version of 007.
With a press of the button, a blue light flashes and then you can be your own sneaky spy.
You turn it on, it records, you turn it off, and the pen goes to standby. You can take photos with it too.
It has a built-in microphone and a card reader so you can collect and analyse your data. Use it to record a meeting at work, or spy on someone you like at school. Or stick it up your nose to see what it looks like.
It has one and a half hours for video recording, and it takes about two to three hours to charge.
Make sure you turn it on before you try and become a secret agent though, otherwise the flashy light might be a bit too obvious.