Bizarre Tech: burning toast face, brainy fat burner and musical plants
Another month, another load of tosh. This time, we look at a wearable that can get you ‘beach body’ ready, a plant that serenades you, and a way to get your face on food.
Feel the bread face burn.
Does anyone remember the face of Jesus once being burnt onto a slice of toast? Well, it seems that these guys took inspiration. Burnt Impressions are selling the selfie toaster, where you can literally have your face on your breakfast.
You upload a photo to the website, the company creates a stainless steel stencil of your mush, and it gets sent to you. The only catch is that you have to buy the toaster too, as the plates can’t fit into your run-of-the-mill kitchen appliance.
You also have the option to personalise the toaster with a UV-resistant photograph label.
Breakfast can be a whole lot of weirdness as you eat your butter- and jam-covered crispy face – and guests can be pleasantly surprised/super freaked out when you present your burnt face on some perfectly cooked toast.
Skull fat burner
Tell your brain to stop you eating.
The Modius, which looks like a device from a low-budget ‘Star Trek’ episode (and that’s saying something), is sold as a weight-management wearable headset.
Belfast-based tech company Neurovalens launched the product in 2017 and, according to the co-founder, users were seeing losses of 12-15lb (5-7kg) over eight weeks. Not bad.
The company has dubbed the Modius “the first generation of ‘careable technology’”. In simple terms, it uses neuro-technology to stimulate a small part of the brain that makes the wearer want to eat less.
In 2002, there was a study which claimed that stimulating the vestibular system – the sensory system that provides the sense of balance and spatial orientation – caused a reduction in body fat of animals.
The Neurovalens team say their tech uses a small electrical pulse to “non-invasively activate the same part of the vestibular system that had been found to be important in previous research – i.e. the otolith organs [in the ear] that are involved in detecting horizontal movement”. This activation then reaches the brainstem and into the hypothalamus – an area where the noggin maintains physiological processes such as fat storage and appetite.
In other words, Modius can apparently stop you scoffing your face so much while speeding up your metabolic rate.
Pretty good sell, but then again, if you want to lose weight anyway, it has a lot to do with self-discipline and your mindset. If you have absolutely no desire to lose weight, but use the headset and the pounds drop off, then I’d be convinced.
It costs £299; more expensive than Slim Fast. Probably.
Musical plant pot
Pet your bush!
This little cutie patootie is a four-in-one. It’s a plant pot – obviously – a Bluetooth speaker, a multi-colour night light, and the weirdest bit: when you touch the plant you’ve put inside the novelty pot, the device plays piano music.
It has a touch sensor and, along with the tinkly piano tune, the ring light will twinkle along with the rhythm, too.
It’ll be like your plant is playing for you. Serenading you. Like it’s almost talking to you. Remind you of anything?
FEED ME, SEYMOUR.
Just don’t put it in a place where you could brush past. Otherwise the tinkling and flashing will get old pretty quickly.