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Festive dogs watching TV

Bizarre Tech: Christmas, but not as you know it

Image credit: Christmas 24, Alamy

Stuck for something to treat your loved ones this festive season? Have a look at these weird stocking fillers.

Merry Woofmas

Woof woof! That’s Christmas in dog speak.

Ever fancied watching a film made specifically for your furry friend?

Well, now they can get their paws on a special screening of a Christmas masterpiece, ‘Merry Woofmas’. What’s better, is that it’s narrated by a national treasure, Louis Walsh. Yes, it’s true, your dog will be serenaded by that spectacular Irish lilt in the comfort of your Christmassy living room.

This dog-centred movie is in celebration of the launch of the TV channel Christmas 24, which is dedicated to the festive season.

Created scientifically for our furry pals, ‘Merry Woofmas’ is filmed in a dog’s colour spectrum of blue and yellow. Some of the doggos featured are popular Instagram dogs, including Ramsey the Staffy (@bluestaffy), Marcel Le Corgi (@lecorgi) and Mika the Husky (@huskymika).

It premiered on Saturday 28 October, so if you watched it, I hope you own a dog. Otherwise you’re pretty weird. They’re plugging it as something to be enjoyed by humans too, but I’m not so sure.

Walsh’s voice changes in tone, pitch and cadence during the film, using specific words and phrases that dogs are familiar with, and it allegedly triggers positive reactions.   

Christmas 24 worked with animal behaviourist Dr Candy d’Sa and veterinarian Robert White-Adams throughout production of ‘Merry Woofmas’. Apparently, it incorporates on-screen stimuli that get a good response from canines. The film also has slow-moving imagery and short scenes that cater to a dog’s limited attention span.  


Head preservation

The ultimate brain freeze.

Instead of getting your mum the usual Oil of Olay for Christmas that she pretty much resents you for, why not buy her the ultimate anti-ageing gift? Getting her head frozen.

This is all thanks to Stem Protect, the company that claims freezing your head and bringing you back to life at some point in the future is only a few years away.

Like the floating heads in jars on the comedy cartoon ‘Futurama’, you’ll be able to live a relatively normal life, probably with a new body, once the tech is more advanced and Stem Protect can bring you back.

Walt Disney did it, the crazy cat. And other rich people.

For £5,000 (cheaper than some funerals) they will keep your head on ice for up to 250 years, saying the practice of head freezing is becoming commonplace because the technology is making it more affordable.

It’s like buying and naming a star for your loved one. But a head.

Stem Protect says its main purpose is to preserve information about the body which can be used for medical purposes while the person is still alive. Great stuff.



The Royal Coffee Maker

Want a Christmas coffee that probably costs more than a reasonably priced car?

Some extravagant business is going on here.

I wouldn’t say it’s money wasting, as the best coffee in the world is apparently made from it, but it’s somewhat ridiculous. The Royal Coffee Maker seems like the poster boy for the richest people, and if you have one, you probably are the bee’s knees. Or at least, you think you are. Eight of these decadent things are built by hand every month, at a price of $10,000 to $18,000.

Each coffee maker is thought up by French artists, sculptors, metallurgists and engineers, so it’s a pretty complex process.

The product can be finished in gold, copper or silver, “with a choice of black obsidian, azurite or malachite to form the machine base”.

The company makes the brewing of the coffee sound ridiculously excessive. Described as a ceremony, the “ground coffee is first placed in the fine Baccarat crystal carafe, hot water poured into the boiler pot and the Baccarat burner vase lit. Next, the fully automated system allows heat, steam and gravity to brew the coffee in the crystal Baccarat vase.”

Phew. It better taste like unicorn tears, otherwise I want a refund.


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