Pointless and bizarre technologies: weird stuff from the world
Image credit: Brookstone
We take a look at some of the most bizarre bits of gadgetry and technology that really make you think about why some people exist.
Limited Edition Ariana Grande Wireless Cat Ear Headphones
Make people hear from your cat ears.
Okay, so this lady, Ariana Grande, seems like she’s trying to make everyone – except her – look ridiculous with these unbelievably weird headphones.
She ‘teamed up’ with retailer Brookstone to release these wireless Cat Ear headphones for all of her feline-loving fans who want to be a cat. Or a moron.
Apparently the headphones are inspired by her love of anime. To me, they’re super shiny and super-tacky and don’t remind me of the Japanese style at all. In the photos released, the aesthetically pleasing singer is pouting her way to facial cramp. I bet she’s secretly regretting the whole thing as she crowns herself with the abomination they call the ‘Ariana Grande Edition’.
Brookstone CEO Steven Goldsmith said: “Ariana looks simply amazing in her new Cat Ear Headphones.” Of course she does. She’s a pretty girl and can sort of pull the headphones off, but any run-of-the-mill ‘normal’ individual will probably look like an absolute dork.
If I was to parade down the street with these beacons of absolute silliness, blasting my pop princess songs from my cat-ear speakers so everyone else can share in my sickly-sweet musical moment, I would be pelted with eggs. Or feral cats.
Grande is a good singer, I admit that – albeit she’s mumbling most of the time and you’d have to look up her lyrics to figure out what she just warbled through the radio, but these headphones? Really?
The ear cups and catty speakers are also blessed with colour-changing accent lighting. Thus you’d be a shiny, tacky, glowing, light-up doofus.
Grande said the headphones “represent my style – fun, edgy and unique and I know my fans will LOVE them as much as I do.” Erm, of course you did. Not that you were paid to say that. Liar liar big old cat ear headphones on fire.
They’re ready for pre-order now and if you want to get your hands on these bad boys, they cost $149.99 (about £115).
Pounce on them now, people.
The Smiling Car
This is a thing now.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always seen the front of a car as some sort of face. The headlights are the eyes, depicting whether or not they’re friendly (see the Audi, with its super aggravated face) and the grill is the mouth, smiling or growling (enter Nissan).
Self-driving cars are becoming an actual thing and we will see them every day in the future – it’s estimated that there will be 10 million cars with self-driving characteristics by 2020. Everyone wants a piece of the self-driving action, coming up with new ways to invest in the tech.
With that in mind, a technology company has developed The Smiling Car, the answer to every puzzled pedestrian’s problem. Because you have to find innovation somewhere dangnabbit.
Semcon, the makers of this happy/creepy vehicle, surveyed a bunch of people and eight out of ten say they are looking for eye contact with the driver of a car when they cross the street. Apparently, with a self-driving car, that ‘opportunity’ is gone. In response to this so-called ‘crucial need for communication’ (what a load of drivel), the Semcon’s self-driving car has these sensors that detect pedestrians and sends a signal to a display in the front. A smile then lights up on the grill like a cartoon to show everyone that the car will stop.
Check out how you can make pedestrians stop, point and laugh while you attempt to get on with your journey using your ‘snazzy’ vehicle. http://www.semcon.com/smilingcar
The pseudo-erotic vibrating belt.
When you’re stuck in the middle of a strange place and don’t know which way to go, use your Ubivade to help find the way home through the power of your crotch.
An Italian designer said the ‘simple’ Ubivade belt has fused the knowledge of psychology and neuroscience, design studios, cutting-edge technology and above all – his passion. Ahem.
Ubivade is apparently the first navigation system to work with any mode of transport (foot, bus, bicycle, motorcycle and car) and takes you wherever you need to go without even thinking.
The wearer of this ‘stylish’ belt is given turn-by-turn directions with vibrations from ‘strategically placed’ motors.
To add to all this pizazz and awkward crotch buzzing, the Ubivade belt connects to your smartphone with its app, so you can control when people wonder where that subtle vibration is coming from at your leisure.
Cue the awkward meetings. Imagine you’ve just arrived at the office building you found through your buzzy belt, and it’s still going off because you’ve not quite turned yourself left and the receptionist at the welcome desk is staring pointedly at your nethers with a quizzical look because she thinks you may be a pervert.
Good work Ubivade!
The club you want to go into.
You know, I think people sometimes invent things just because they can.
Right, so the Uroclub is for golfers – of the male kind – and is supposedly super discreet.
Here’s the scenario. You want to wee. Really badly. So much that it’s affecting your swing. You can’t pee on the pristine grass of the golf course because you’ll ruin everyone’s day and the nearest secluded spot is by the lake, under the ever-watchful eye of a hungry crocodile.
What do you do? Seriously guys, how can you relieve yourselves and get back to your game, all the while being super subtle and not drawing attention in the slightest?
I KNOW! Pee into the Uroclub! Make sure you use a towel though! It’s so easy, all you need to do afterwards is carry it around all day and make sure your urine doesn’t leak onto your real-life golf clubs.
Word of advice: don’t miss the hole.
Also, don’t mistake it for one of your real clubs. Otherwise it may get devastating.